


so close to perfect, it hurts to throw it away

by dal_segno



Series: jonghyun!!! on ice. [2]
Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - Skating, Alternate Universe - Yuri!!! on Ice Fusion, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, As Noah, Because Aaron is EXTRA, Because maybe some of my insecurities slipped out here, Depictions of not-so-nice emotions, Drinking, Drunk Dancing, Grand Prix Final Banquet, Light Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Minki is BRUTAL but dw he likes jonghyun i swear, Panic Attacks, Slight Nudity, Unreliable Narrator, Vicchan Lives, aaron is an IDIOT, but noah is injured, like very unreliable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28830384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dal_segno/pseuds/dal_segno
Summary: One drink keeps Jonghyun’s cognitive functions just as they are when he’s sober. Two drinks gets him the Glow dusted on his cheeks. Three to five gets him shit-faced, but not enough to send him into a drunken frenzy. Six to ten turns him into even more of an anxious mess than he usually is. At this point Minhyun would have already dragged Jonghyun’s sorry ass back into their shared room back in Tokyo.So, Hwang Minhyun never saw what more than ten whole glasses of alcohol can do to Kim Jonghyun. Nor does he want to know.Too bad Minhyun isn’t here to steal his drinks this time.Sequel tostammi vicino, non te ne andarein the eyes of a certain Korean skater!
Relationships: Choi Minki | Ren & Kim Jonghyun | JR, Hwang Minhyun & Kim Jonghyun | JR, Kang Dongho | Baekho & Kim Jonghyun | JR, Kim Jonghyun | JR/Aaron Kwak | Aron
Series: jonghyun!!! on ice. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108010
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	so close to perfect, it hurts to throw it away

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I've managed to churn out a second fic to this Jonghyun!!! On ICE series to go with the first fic (which you can find [ here ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28631541#main)) instead of studying! I recommend reading "stammi vicino, non te ne andare" before reading this one, but you do you! I've changed quite a few things in here to make it more convenient for me to write so it deviates from the original YOI series, so please don't squint too much at the timings of certain events and whatever! The title is a lyric from LOONA's Star.
> 
> As with "stammi vicino", this fic will have footnotes as well for terms and (papago lol) translations. Please tell me if I've missed any warnings, and all mistakes are mine! I hope you enjoy reading this!
> 
> (CW: Depictions of panic attacks, anxiety, lots of swearing.)

Jonghyun squints at the screen. Jiyoung rubs his back and hands him a Squirtle plush. The announcers’ words blare in his ears.

“Don’t worry,” Jiyoung whispers, holding Jonghyun’s hands in hers, “Your presentation scores were the best all season. No reason you wouldn’t score high, Jjuya.” He only sighs and rubs his neck.

91.36. 

Jonghyun releases his death grip on the poor plush toy. It’s not a world record, but it’s sure to land him a place in the podium alright.

_A place next to Aaron Kwak_ , his mind helpfully adds.

He almost laughs out loud at the audacity of his wishful thinking. What were the chances of a dime-a-dozen skater like Jonghyun standing next to a _living legend_ on the podium? And this is just his short program— Canada’s Mark Lee and Japan’s Adachi Yuto have yet to skate their programs. There’s always a chance they could score higher than Jonghyun: it’s not like his score is _that_ hard to beat. One should never count their chickens before the eggs have hatched.

Jonghyun walks off the kiss and cry1 with Jiyoung, heading for the bleachers. He sees the way her eyes knit in concentration, but decides against asking. Instead, he watches as Lee makes his way onto the center of the rink. 

Shaky hands is the first thing Jonghyun notices. The second is his furrowed eyebrows, though less noticeable at this distance. Jonghyun idly wonders if Lee’s nervous, despite his boldness during public practice earlier. No matter— it’s not like Jonghyun can say much about himself.

Please, it’s truly a miracle how Jonghyun, of all skaters, was certified by the Korean Skating Union. Him? A ball of nerves that always stops short of winning gold in competitions? Kim Jonghyun, the skater with the world’s most fragile glass heart? Yeah, he doesn’t quite believe it either. Despite literally being physically present during his certification, Jonghyun can’t— won’t understand what’s so good about him.

(It’s stupid, really— his mindset. He knows he’s good enough to go head-to-head with top skaters. But he can’t shake off the feeling that he’s not meant to be here even with all his hard work.)

Lee’s performance is done by the time Jonghyun pulls his head from his thoughts. Lee popped one of two quads2 into a triple. Not enough rotations on more than one occasion as well. Presentation points could make up for it a little, though not enough to one-up his deductions. Definitely won’t score more than Jonghyun for the short program.3

Okay, that sounds a _little_ mean. Jonghyun rubs his nose bridge until he feels it start to burn. He didn’t mean to sound so haughty even in his own mind. It’s just that… he wants to hold out some sliver of hope that he might make the podium this year. 

Second place. 

Nothing more or he’ll start having a panic attack thinking of all kinds of awful scenarios. Second place. A silver medal won’t look too bad on him.

Silver proved to be achievable for Jonghyun. The Korean skater’s short program beat Dongho Kang by six or so points, which meant he was in second place unless Adachi could score higher than him. Silver was acceptable and honestly? Jonghyun would be glad if he was covered in silver medals if it meant standing next to Aaron everytime. He’d actually sell his soul to make it happen, no holds barred. 

But _beating_ Aaron? Nope, no, nada.

Not even his soul, for whatever it’s worth, could amount to a contract befitting of beating _the_ Aaron Kwak. The skating world’s fucking _living legend_ for the past ten years. Jonghyun had no hope of ever winning gold with Aaron dominating the sport. 

Jonghyun’s pretty sure he’d die if he _somehow_ managed to beat Aaron. AKA his fucking _idol_ ever since he was a lanky twelve-year old. The imaginary gold medal around his neck would suffocate him if that ever happened.

And Jonghyun’s just as sure Aaron wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at being beaten. He’d smile his infuriating pearly smile at Jonghyun and Jonghyun would suffer from a cardiac arrest right there and then.

Well, at least Jonghyun would make history for once in his boring-ass life if that happened.

Jiyoung clicks her tongue at Jonghyun’s state. He only offers a shy shrug. In return, Jiyoung rolls her eyes as she tells him all the short programs are over for today. She warns him not to scream like a child when he sees the scoreboard.

Oh. Jonghyun silently thanks Jiyoung for reminding him not to embarrass himself. He sees the reason for the warning and screams into his Squirtle plush to relieve his stress.

**Grand Prix of Figure Skating Finals**

**Men's Singles, Short Program**

[1] U.S.A. Aaron KWAK **115.35**

[2] S. KOREA Jonghyun KIM **91.36**

[3] FRANCE Dongho KANG **86.90**

[4] CANADA Mark LEE **84.80**

[5] PHILIPPINES Jungkook JEON **80.13**

[6] JAPAN Yuto ADACHI **77.69**

It almost feels like a dream. This is his highest score Jonghyun’s ever gotten for a short program, and it’s only his first Grand Prix Final. A twisted feeling rises from Jonghyun’s stomach— not a new one either; it’s been there since he saw his result at the kiss and cry— and fills his throat. Jiyoung’s eyes widen as she scurries to grab his pills and a bottle of water. He wastes no time running from the clicks and whispers of the reporters (who are currently interviewing Kwak on how he feels about coming first again, Jonghyun notes) into the changing room.

_Inhale. Hold… Exhale. Good. Again._

The Korean skater pushes down the bile threatening to spill out of his mouth. Shouldn’t he be happy or overjoyed at having a _chance_ at making the podium? He downs half of the water bottle Jiyoung shoves into his hand. It does little to soothe his dry throat. Why is he feeling so scared and heavy? Jonghyun’s vision swirls and he barely registers how his arms are shaking. Jiyoung’s shouts are directed at a poor staff member, who was probably just doing their job before the Korean coach screamed at them.

When everything comes to a still, Jonghyun finds a pair of warm, brown eyes scanning his face. He almost swings a fist at them. Almost; his arms are still numb and cold from whatever he’s just experienced. The person throws out an apology before moving away from Jonghyun. When did he get on the floor?

“Mr. Kim,” the person, now identified as Dongho Kang, says. Extending his arm, he beckons for Jonghyun to get up. Heat rises to the younger’s cheeks, but he takes the arm all the same. “You had me worried there for a second. How are you feeling now?” Dongho Kang was worried for Jonghyun?

“I, um. I’m feeling a little better? I think.” Kang’s once intimidating scowl turns into a full-blown smile at that. Jonghyun blinks in surprise.

“Good!” The French skater doesn’t comment further. A whirlwind passes by the two skaters and a human— Jiyoung, bringing forth a towel and another water bottle— materializes at Jonghyun’s side. The silence and hesitant stares between all three of them drives Jonghyun crazy. So he breaks it. He’s never been good at keeping quiet when a billion questions whizz around his brain after all.

“Mr. Kang, why did you come after me?” _I don’t think you even knew I existed until now_. He holds himself back from the biting remark. 

Dongho seems taken aback, but recovers in a second. Shrugging, he makes his way back to the kiss and cry without as much as an answer to Jonghyun. Or maybe he _does_ answer, just not in a language that Jonghyun understands.

“J'avais le sentiment qu'Aaron me tuerait plus tard si je n'allais pas après vous. Vous êtes tout à fait son type, mon cher.”4

It only leaves Jonghyun more confused than if Dongho hadn’t said anything at all.

Banging his head against the cream walls don’t help him understand either. He doesn’t know if he’s heard it right or if French syllables were meant to torment him but he’s pretty sure he heard Dongho say Aaron, of all things. And what about him? What did Jonghyun meeting Dongho have to do with _Aaron_ of all people?

He wishes he had a built-in Google Translate function in his head.

It’s silent before his phone’s ringtone blasts from his bag. “Jonghyun!” his oldest sister screams into his ear when he picks up. Jonghyun hears the wind fighting against his sister’s voice. It’s only then that he notices he’s on the way back to the hotel in a van.

By the end of the call, his heart is just as shattered as his phone.

-

_Shit,_ Jonghyun curses as he touches down on the ice. _My blades didn’t connect with the ice again._

If you’re one of the few people who happen to know Kim Jonghyun very well, you know not much can distract him on the ice. (Besides his anxiety that is.) You could wave a blazing torch swinging in his face, only to have him glide out of the way and feel mildly annoyed at worst.

Unfortunately, today is a day full of distractions. Not welcome ones either.

You see… If an unprecedented storm ravished through your hometown and destroyed half of your family’s (practically ancient) business and injured your dog (who you hang onto for emotional support), wouldn’t you be abso-fucking-lutely frazzled on the ice too? His sister literally screaming all of this into poor Jonghyun’s ear right after his short program did wonders for his anxiety and emotional state.

The music stops after an eternity inside his head. Nearly all of Jonghyun’s jumps in the final moments of his free skate didn’t land. Presentation-wise, he’s sure his points tanked too. It’s over.

At least it’s over.

Jonghyun’s legs fail him at last; his body crashes against the ice. Jiyoung and some staff skate out to get him— but he can barely hear their concerns and coaxings above the pounding in his head. Throat threatening to close up entirely, the skater pushes down a handful of medicines with water. It almost finds its way back up his mouth before Jonghyun forces his hands over his lips. Not the best way to deal with it— indigestion is bound to catch up to him in an hour— yet it should serve him well until he can get out of the glare of the rink.

Not long until he gets out from the kiss and cry now. From all these nosy fucking reporters who don’t give a fuck about how he feels and continue to prick him for answers until he bleeds out right in front of them.

“We’ll go after we see the scores,” Jiyoung says for his ears only. She purses her lips, intent on saying more but only an apology comes. An apology she has no need for. Jonghyun swallows the bile back down.

141.23.

There’s no way he’s getting on the podium now.

When he closes his eyes in the changing room, Aaron Kwak glares straight at him. There’s no handsome smile greeting him as the final scores are announced. Just a stone-cold expression that confirms all of Jonghyun’s worst fears.

-

**Grand Prix of Figure Skating Finals**

**Men's Singles, Free Skate and Final Scores**

[1] U.S.A. Aaron KWAK 115.35 220.41 **335.76**

[2] FRANCE Dongho KANG 86.90 214.56 **301.46**

[3] CANADA Mark LEE 84.80 203.79 **288.59**

[4] JAPAN Yuto ADACHI 77.69 184.14 **261.83**

[5] PHILIPPINES Jungkook JEON 80.13 178.54 **258.67**

[6] S. KOREA Jonghyun KIM 91.36 141.23 **232.59**

-

It’s one thing to crash and burn in front of the whole skating world because of some poorly timed natural disaster and it’s another to crash and burn in front of Aaron Kwak. Who, understandably, doesn’t remember him at all.

Even worse, he thinks Jonghyun is a _fan_ , not a fellow skater.

Wow, that’s a low blow to his ego. Not that he had much in the first place anyway. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like a fucking _bitch_ though. But he can’t find it in himself to be angry at Aaron and even if he was, he’s sure it wouldn’t last long in the end. Try getting angry at _the_ Aaron Kwak: it’s like getting angry at a puppy for being adorable. Impossible, and your conscience would probably be as heavy as the whole universe.

Speaking of puppies… Jonghyun blinks rapidly, attempting to dry his tears to no avail. Now is not the time to think of Noah. He’ll deal with it when he finishes his business in Japan and goes home. Noah is safe and cared for. He’ll be alright.

(Though Jonghyun’s not sure who _he_ is supposed to be. Nor is he sure what the cause of his tears are. Hurt? A bruised ego? Noah?)

“Don’t. Don’t answer that. Forget I ever came up to you. I’m sorry for wasting your time, Aaron-ssi,” Jonghyun spits out, trying to level his voice as much as possible. Crying in front of Kwak would only damage him more than he already has. He only hopes his voice doesn’t sound angry, though he’d like for the dramatic hurt in his voice to strike Aaron in some way. To get back at him in some way or the other for hurting his pride. 

The Korean skater almost smiles at his deviousness. Almost.

Another ugly, strong feeling winds its way into the depths of Jonghyun’s chest. It flows into all possible crevices, sometimes striking a limestone-like spot in his defenses. As far as Jonghyun’s concerned, it’s only a matter of time until his cliff of (weak) emotional stability erodes down into the sea.

So he does what he does best: run away.

He doesn’t get as far as he’d want to be, but the bathroom is void of anyone else at the moment. Surely no one would want to walk in on a dime-a-dozen skater throwing a pity party for himself in the middle of a press conference. Jonghyun’s phone shines all too brightly into his eyes as he makes himself comfortable on the toilet seat. Or as comfortable as you can be on such a wonderful seat.

“여보세요,” Jonghyun mutters in his native tongue when the call gets picked up, “집에는 별일 없니?”5”

There’s shuffling and shushing on the other line for a moment. His mother sighs into the phone. “분명히 좋지 않아.” She then switches to English for some reason. “Especially with the storm. Don’t worry about that now. 너 괜찮니6?”

“엄마, I’m sorry. 정말 미안해7. I couldn’t— I was so close…!” Breath hitching in his throat, the words struggle to come out. Holding back sobs doesn’t help. Mrs. Kim tells him to breathe, which he does. The apologies don’t come out any easier though.

“You don’t have to say sorry so many times, Jju,” Jonghyun’s mother says after a while. His hiccups start again. “You know we’ll support you no matter what. 혼자서 너무 걱정하지 마세요8.”

Jonghyun laughs bitterly. “Really? Even if I lose big competitions like this again?”

His mother, bless her soul, feeds the remnants of his ego. “You’re a good skater, Jju! Even the neighbour’s son, Seung— Seungchan—?”

“Seungcheol.”

“My memory is getting worse,” she huffs out. “Yes, Seungcheol. He and his husband and kids watched the competition with us earlier! Says he hasn’t seen a better skater in his life.”

“Mooom,” Jonghyun draws out rather childishly, “Cheol skated with me ever since we were five! The idiot’s biased.”

“Now don’t you call the sweet boy an idiot! Who raised you like that, Kim Jonghyun?”

“You call dad an idiot if he forgets to wash the dishes, so I wouldn’t know.”

Half an hour escapes under Jonghyun’s fingers like fine sand. His mother chides him for his apologies one last time before he clicks off the call. Her voice rings in his eyes even minutes after in the silence of the bathroom. The ugly feeling from before returns, like it knew that whatever was keeping it at bay has vanished already. It seizes his throat, relentless. Thick tears spill onto his glasses and drip from his face. Trying to keep his sobs and whines at bay proves difficult for Jonghyun. They just keep spilling out of his useless mouth like the pathetic man he is.

Someone kicking their way into Jonghyun’s stall is the only thing that stops him from crying. Whether from shock or fear, it works perfectly on poor Kim.

“What kind of fucking loser cries in a fucking bathroom stall?”

A head of short blond hair comes into Jonghyun’s view. The person is shorter than Jonghyun a bit, but not by much since he never was particularly tall anyway.

“Minki Choi,” the Korean man blurts out, unaware that he’s said it out loud and not in his mind. “What are you—?”

Choi scoffs, or scoffs like a child would. He stuffs a pale hand into his leopard print jacket aggressively, searching for something in it. Jonghyun’s eyes, still fresh from crying, are wide open in confusion. Choi comes up empty, to which he scoffs again.

“I was gonna give ya a piece of candy,” the junior skater mumbles, though more to himself than Jonghyun, “but I guess the old fuck took all that I had. Annoying ass.” Then, he glares at Jonghyun like he was the reason for his teenage angst.

Jonghyun, too stunned to even speak, keeps staring. Choi shoves him as hard as any mere teenager can before shouting F-bombs in Jonghyun’s face again.

“What-fucking-ever. Hey, Kim. If you were this shit at skating, why didn’t you just retire?” 

“W-what?”

Choi glares at him like Jonghyun’s grown two heads. “Come on! You fucking suck. Do I have to spell it out for you?”

Jonghyun was always a meek child, not one for profanities or raising his voice. Yet in that very moment, he found it very difficult to restrain shouting at a teenager who clearly didn’t respect his seniors. Were all American kids like this? Disrespectful and annoying?

(He hopes Aaron wasn’t.)

“The fuck do you want, Choi?”

The younger has the audacity to look stunned by Jonghyun’s outburst. His lips turn into a wry kind of smile. It’s sickening, and Jonghyun wants to put this child in his fucking place. Jonghyun merely clenches his fists tighter to stop himself from doing something he’ll regret.

“What I want,” Choi growls as his points a finger into Jonghyun’s chest, “is for you to fucking retire already.”

Not even sparing the senior skater another glance, Minki Choi turns on his heels to walk away. He purposely digs his shoes into the shiny tiles, intent on making a screech sure to make Jonghyun go deaf.

The skater with the world’s most fragile glass heart hears his resolve shattering against the shards of his heart.

_Yeah, maybe I_ should _retire._

-

Drinking was something Jonghyun sucked at, among a billion other things.

Minhyun knows this, and does everything in his power to make sure Jonghyun doesn’t make a fool out of himself more than usual. He even has a mental list of the severity of drunk Jonghyun just to estimate how far he’s gone that night so he can prepare the necessary painkillers and water bottles.

One drink keeps Jonghyun’s cognitive functions just as they are when he’s sober. Two drinks gets him the Glow dusted on his cheeks. Three to five gets him shit-faced, but not enough to send him into a drunken frenzy. Six to ten turns him into even more of an anxious mess than he usually is. At this point Minhyun would have already dragged Jonghyun’s sorry ass back into their shared room back in Tokyo.

So, Hwang Minhyun never saw what more than ten whole glasses of alcohol can do to Kim Jonghyun. Nor does he want to know.

Too bad Minhyun isn’t here to steal his drinks this time.

Jonghyun immediately drinks a glass of champagne as soon as the banquet hall is open to all the skaters for the night. It loosens the knot in his shoulders, allowing for smoother movement. Someone politely asks him to move so they can get a glass for themselves, to which the Korean man agrees too enthusiastically. Alone again, Jonghyun pours another glass of the drink, noting how much he’s had to drink so far.

He reminds himself not to down more than five drinks tonight. Minhyun and Jiyoung will have his head tomorrow if he does. Besides, he doesn’t want to look like an idiot in front of the world’s best skaters.

Speaking of the best skaters… Jonghyun’s eyes dart across the room before landing on a head of silver hair. It should be a talent at this point— Jonghyun always managing to find his stupid, wandering eyes on the man. Even in a room filled to the brim with all kinds of people taller than Jonghyun, he has no doubt he could find his Aaron, hair woven from starlight shining brighter than anything else.

Jonghyun pours himself another drink. To muddle his mind enough that he doesn’t think of Aaron again.

And then he pours another.

And maybe he pours himself twelve more rounds.

-

Crossing sixteen fucking glasses of champagne turns Kim Jonghyun into a whole other person. If six-to-ten-drinks Jonghyun turns him into a jumpy rabbit at the slightest noise, then sixteen glasses turns him into someone with insane confidence.

Too much confidence.

And apparently that level of confidence is enough to place Jonghyun right in the middle of the banquet with shining eyes and a devious determination without caring for all the eyes pinning him down. He floats across the banquet hall with the grace of a fairy, and his voice carries itself the same way.

“Aaarooon~” Jonghyun drags out unnecessarily. Aaron’s name hasn’t felt this wonderful and light on Jonghyun’s lips until now. It kind of makes him want to keep saying it over and over, as if getting high on it was the best feeling in the world. And why wouldn’t it? Aaron’s just so beautiful and spectacular! Jonghyun twirls as he approaches the gold-medalist.

Asking the older skater for a dance just seems appropriate to Jonghyun. Never mind the glares he could feel on his back: this is the perfect opportunity to ask Aaron to indulge Jonghyun in something the younger knows like the back of his hand. Though he isn’t quite sure what the other skate would like to dance to (and he’s already consulted his seventh Aaron poster back home about it to no avail) but he’s quite sure Aaron would be perfect at some kind of slow dance. The mental image brings a huge smile on Jonghyun’s lips. Oh, he can’t wait any longer!

But, of course Aaron had different plans for tonight instead of just stealing Jonghyun away to the dance floor.

“Mr. Kim...? How much have you had to drink?” Well, at least he acknowledges Jonghyun this time around. It’s such a boring question though! Still, Jonghyun answers it with a bubbly attitude.

“16 glasses? Oh wait, you remember me!” An emotion that should be nowhere near Aaron’s beautiful, gorgeous amber eyes flickers for a moment. Jonghyun hopes it isn’t something ugly like the vines gripping his chest earlier. Aaron deserves only happiness, and anything else should be cast aside to the depths of hell.

Just the thought of Aaron feeling such horrible things makes Jonghyun so mad. His glasses fog up as his face heats up in anger, so he takes it off in a swift maneuver. He shoves his hair up too. A devilish smile replaces his scowl, much to Aaron’s surprise.

The more worried Aaron looks, the more Jonghyun wants to be the only one that occupies the skater’s mind. To get rid of all those ugly feelings in Aaron, who deserves only the best. And in Jonghyun’s drunken mind, _he_ was the best.

(Drunk Jonghyun deserves no fucking rights.)

Pulling Aaron down by his— by the looks of it— expensive white blazer, he leans far too closely into Aaron’s neck. “Tell me it’s good that you remembered me for once, hm?” He’s almost tempted to purr right into Aaron’s ear, but manages to hold himself back just enough.

To his surprise, Aaron answers back. He says it so seriously; Jonghyun can tell that Aaron meant it with his whole chest.

“It is. I won’t ever forget you now, Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun takes no less than a second to recover and switch his persona to one he deems fit for the occasion. Beaming so widely his cheeks start to shake, Jonghyun feels so light. He eventually releases Aaron from his steel grip, though absentmindedly, and thinks. Really thinks.

Sixteen glasses of champagne brings Jonghyun a whole new kind of clarity. His anxiety parts from his mind for a while, and he could think without fear or constant self-doubt.

Then it clicks in his head. “Let’s make a deal then!”

Aaron asks him about the deal with amusement in his eyes. _Good_.

Jonghyun’s eyes flicker to the crowd gathered around them. No one stands out in the sea of blank faces. All except for a certain skater with bright blond hair standing right in front of everyone else. A disinterested look paints itself on the blond’s face, and Jonghyun speaks up again without tearing his eyes away from the skater.

“A dancing one! If I win a dance off against Minki Choi, you’ll come be my coach!” A chorus of gasps rises from the faceless crowd. Jonghyun doesn’t dare look at them; instead choosing to fall right into Aaron’s very welcoming chest. _Warm and firm_ , Jonghyun muses. Looking up into Aaron’s eyes, he finds the man beet-red but smiling all the same.

And he smiles.

No, not his infuriating press smile.

Aaron’s lips curve downward— albeit a little lopsided— into a heart-shaped smile that trembles ever so slightly, as if he hasn’t smiled like that in a long time.

A soft feeling manifests in Jonghyun’s chest at the sight.

He doesn’t know what it is; all he knows is that he wants the feeling to keep growing and filling his heart until he bursts with it.

He finds himself wanting to _protect_ such a feeling. A feeling he’s never even had until now.

And damn right he’s going to protect it as he absolutely _crushes_ Choi with his dance moves.

“Minki Choi!” The teenager in question scoffs in his direction. Aaron’s hand is warm in his. When did that get there? “You won’t back out, right? Just so you know, I’ll be taking home gold today!”

“As if, bitch! You’re not gonna beat me if I can help it!”

Jonghyun slips away into the dance floor, blissfully unaware that a whining Aaron keeps tugging at his now empty hand.

-

The next parts of the night pass by Jonghyun far too quickly to make sense of any of it. One moment he’s shaking his hips to a girl group song, the next he finds Aaron’s as red as a goddamn _tomato_ when he presses his body against him. Jonghyun hates tomatoes, but he will admit that the colour looks cute on Aaron. He wonders if Aaron’s face would look like this during—

Kim is whisked away from Aaron’s space by a man he barely recognises into some sort of stage. A stage with poles. Oh, the night is getting even better, it seems.

Then the performance ends, leaving Jonghyun’s legs tired and throbbing. He wobbles onto the closest person in his reach: that being Aaron. Grinning even wider, Jonghyun thanks Aaron for catching him with a quick peck to the cheek. Giggling when Aaron stutters and fumbles for words.

“Now that I won,” Jonghyun babbles, “you’ll be my coach, right? Aaron, I’ll definitely win gold next year if you’re my coach! Your routines are sooo pretty!”

Another sad emotion presents itself in Aaron’s sweet eyes, much to Jonghyun’s irritation. _So much for trying to get him to be happy_ , he thinks. Then Aaron talks with a flat tone. “Ah, you think I’m a good skater, Jonghyunnie?”

It’s infuriating. Jonghyun tries his hand at convincing Aaron that he loves his skating beyond words, only for the man to have the _audacity_ to say _Jonghyun’s_ better than _him_. Like Jonghyun came anywhere near Aaron’s skill and beauty.

His next words are in Korean, and he doesn’t even notice. “넌 멍청이다9.”

“What? You must know I know nothing in Korean.” The look on Aaron’s face is _priceless_. Sadness no longer lingered on him, which is good for Jonghyun. He almost laughs. 

“Just shut up and dance with me, 내 사랑10!”

Jonghyun’s feet, all scratched and patched up after so many months of skating and falling, beg for him to stop. He doesn’t, obviously. Wading through the faceless sea of people with Aaron is much more important than rest right now. Rest can happen tomorrow, or after eternity for all Jonghyun cared. Nothing would stop him from dancing the night away with Aaron, everything else be damned.

Eventually, the music comes to a halt. Jonghyun’s chest heaves up and down in sync with Aaron’s. It’s silent for a moment. At least until Aaron pipes up.

“I think I’m falling for you, mon chéri11,” is what Aaron says, face reddening even more. Jonghyun keeps quiet, intent on letting Aaron finish, and hums to himself. “What should I do?”

_That’s easy,_ Jonghyun thinks. ““Isn’t it obvious? 데이트하러 가자12!”

“Jonghyun, I can’t understand Korean. You’re slurring too.” _What?_

“무슨 말씀 하시는 거예요? 너는 나를 이해할 수 있어 그렇지13?” There’s no way Aaron would pretend to not understand him now! Did he say something wrong? Was it too hasty of him to ask Aaron out on a date when they just met today?

Jonghyun opens his mouth, desperate to apologise and make it up to Aaron, but no sound comes out. A freezing hand is clasped firmly over his lips and it doesn’t take much to figure out who it is. Jiyoung.

Jonghyun prays that Aaron doesn’t hate him when he wakes up.

-

A whole year and a couple of months later, Jonghyun’s finally back in Korea. Gangwon-do to be specific. University was a whole trainwreck he wishes to never go through again, especially with figure skating competitions kicking him in the ass the entire time.

Coming last in the Sochi GPF and fucking up a few smaller competitions after that didn’t do Jonghyun too well. He didn’t qualify for Worlds14 last year either, so Jonghyun thought he’d finish up his last year of uni in Tokyo without the stress of competitions bugging him out. Minhyun was more than happy to help him catch up, though the Japanese man could be brutal during exam season. It worked just the trick to get Jonghyun higher grades than usual though, even if it did cost him a few nights of Minhyun constantly waking him up to quiz him on whatever.

Well, at least Jonghyun can enjoy his mom’s speciality noodles for the rest of the time he’s here. And no nagging Hwang Minhyun could disturb him from his well-deserved sleep now.

But even without Minhyun’s nagging, Jonghyun’s brain does that for him. What’s he to do now that he’s graduated? Should he continue skating under Jiyoung? Should he retire entirely and just work in the local school? He’s heard the pay is decent for primary teachers here in Gangwon; but it wouldn’t hurt to take up another job on the side. Maybe he could be a dance teacher too. Or—

“Jooonghyun,” someone screams in a sing-song voice into the air. Jonghyun tears his eyes away from the atrocious posters of him on the station’s walls. Oh no.

“Don’t you dare—”

“Oh yes I dare!” A flash of platinum blond hair fills Jonghyun’s view as he gets crushed by a human being. “And here I was, thinking that you’d never come home! Welcome back, you little shit!”

Ah, who else would it be. “Jeonghan, get off of me before I die!” The blond happily complies in a second, not even offering to help Jonghyun back up. Whatever, it was all in friendly banter.

“You look like shit,” Yoon mumbles. Jonghyun gasps, feigning hurt.

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” he sarcastically draws out. Jeonghan elbows him in the ribs, but takes both of Jonghyun’s luggage in his hands.

“Whatever, let’s get you home already.”

-

The skating rink in Gangwon looks just the same; almost as if Jonghyun never left home at all for the past five years. It still has that weird, salty smell to it. Doesn’t look like it’s been used so often though.

But just like any ice rink, it works just fine for Jonghyun’s impromptu skating session.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan give him a thumbs up and sit on one of the benches together. Their kids are nowhere to be seen, probably goofing off somewhere as usual. Jonghyun skates to the middle of the rink, shaking his hands as he does. Then, his body moves on its own even without the music to guide him through the routine. He knows it by heart by the amount of times he’s replayed Aaron Kwak’s videos at 3 a.m. in the morning.

_Stammi vicino._ Stay close to me.

_Non te ne andare._ Don’t go away.

As the program comes to a close, Jonghyun places his hands on his throat to mimic Aaron’s ending pose. It’s supposed to look like you’re choking yourself, and Jonghyun thinks he does a good job of it.

He supposes this is the last time he’ll ever skate.

And he’s happy enough to have skated to one of Aaron’s routines for the last time.

_I’m afraid of losing you_.

-

“Jonghyun!” shouts a totally naked Aaron in the hot springs as Jonghyun literally drools at him. “Starting today, I’ll be your coach!”

“You’ll be my fucking _what_?!”

Jonghyun must be dreaming this whole thing up. He flushes at the embarrassingly dirty dreams he’s had of Aaron when he was younger. For the first time in his life, he really wishes that Aaron is a dream that will go away when morning comes.

“Your coach,” Aaron says in a sultry voice right into Jonghyun’s ear. When the fuck did he get here so quickly?! “Jonghyun, I’ll make you win gold. I swear my life on it.”

_Oh shit, Aaron's not a dream_.

Jonghyun’s screams are heard all through Gangwon, and perhaps all of South Korea.

**Author's Note:**

>   1. The kiss and cry is the area in a figure skating rink where figure skaters wait for their marks to be announced after their performances during a figure skating competition. It is so named because the skaters and coaches often kiss to celebrate after a good performance, or cry after a poor one.  [▲]
>   2. A quad, or quadruple, is a figure skating jump with at least four but less than five revolutions. All quadruple jumps have 4 revolutions, except for the quadruple Axel (which has 4 1/2 revolutions). In comparison, a triple jump consists of three revolutions.  [▲]
>   3. The short program is made up of required elements. Skaters at the senior level must perform eight designated elements set to music for no longer than 2 minutes and 40 seconds.  [▲]
>   4. French for "I had a feeling Aaron would kill me later on if I didn't go after you. You're totally his type, my dear."  [▲]
>   5. Korean for "Hello" (to be used on the phone with someone) and "How's everything at home?"  [▲]
>   6. Korean for "Definitely not good." and "Are you okay?"  [▲]
>   7. Korean for "Mom" and "I'm really sorry."  [▲]
>   8. Korean for "Don't worry too much by yourself."  [▲]
>   9. Korean for "You're an idiot."  [▲]
>   10. Korean for "My love!"  [▲]
>   11. French for "My dear" or "My sweetheart" (male).  [▲]
>   12. Korean for "Let's go on a date!"  [▲]
>   13. Korean for "What are you talking about? You can understand me, right?"  [▲]
>   14. The World Figure Skating Championships (Worlds) is an annual figure skating competition sanctioned by the International Skating Union.  [▲]
> 

> 
> If you're confused about the end of this one-shot, just know that sixteen glasses can completely wipe out Jonghyun's (and Yuuri Katsuki's) memory from his brain. Jonghyun wakes up and only recalls drinking during the banquet, and Jiyoung doesn't tell him about it either (probably because he'll die of shock lmao). It's also the reason why Jonghyun can't remember asking Aaron to be his coach lol.
> 
> Anyways, I'd love to expand this little series of mine but I'm not sure how? Like I could probably do more one-shots like this for tidbits from the original anime series but idk lmao. Thanks for reading through though!
> 
> Here's my [ twitter account ](https://twitter.com/nuestpop)! Maybe drop me a comment or a kudos? Thanks!


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